This will be a very long CRAP post. Do not read if you get bored easily as I am a long winded person and today someone said i look like a nerd. Yea, i like that. I finished my exams yesterday and today i woke up and watch tv. Then went to midvalley to watch 3 movies. Kungfupanda, getsmart and madeofhonour. haha it did not give me any satisfying feelings, instead i feel the opposite somehow. I am bored. I am very bored. I am very bored. I wish life could be more spicy. I have noticed my food changed as well, i like eating more spicy food. today i went to eat sushi, i flooded my food with wasabi just to feel something out of the ordinary. My chilypadi intake also increased. Sigh, my life is very boring now. mom is at shanghai, sometimes i wanna talk to some one but she is not here. I talk to dad, but dad’s mood recently is a bit swingy. I talk to dee. everyday i talk to dee. so its nothing talking to dee. so i talk to kitty. all kitty very does is meow meow meow. i love her to bits. that day i bully her until she wanna runaway but i didn’t ley her runaway. i didn’t torture her, i just annoyed her. i had her craddled in my arms and she doesnt like that. hehe. then i kept covering her face. she didnt like that as well. aaron tried to stop me. blah. in the end i let kitty go because i love kitty. but no matter how many times i bully her, she will always sit beside me whenever i wants her to. she knows i love her, or at least care for her. she knows i wont hurt her, but annoy her. I am just afraid what mom said will come true. mom always says one day her lice will fly and land on me and i will be infested with lice, so beware. dad told me to find work to do during this 6 months. i do want to find for a job but i am not too keen in any kind of job. i like if my job has something to do with something which i like, and it has to be a meaningful job. i don’t really mind if it is volunteering but i hope to find a friend who can do it with me, but my friends are people who don’t do volunteering. dad says why not i go find a part time job at WWF, but the office is at petaling jaya. how am i going to go there. i have let go of the thought of working part time at the national zoo. not enough determination, too lazy and my mom. but my mom is more like an excuse but not really. i have thought of working as a sales assistant at shopping malls, but i don’t see any meaning in those kind of jobs. I am hungry for experiences. dad then suggested we should try helping aunty shirley when she does her training, so i can learn stuff and interact with people at the same time. its perfect~ because she does training all over malaysia and i will be traveling. how cool is that! it’s ok if its a low paying job, as long as there is a load of stuff to learn, i will love to do it! right now i am wondering if anyone is still reading this post. haha. i hope not. i don’t think my writings are so inetesrting until at this stage people are still reading this stupid post. i actually haven’t write what i really want to write. what is a blog without people reading what you have written, but sometimes you want to write about people who does read your blog and you don’t want people to know. so.. anyway my life has been miserable lately. i dont feel happy when i am with my friends. i feel so awkward with them, i feel lost. all they ever say is we are best friends but.. today just proved that it is all fake. i feel sad, really sad. i know i ahve been really really anti social lately. due to exams stress and also due to my friends. i have so little friends now. it’s funny how a life of a person could be like an illusion. i met this girl at OBS, she was under my team while i was a course asistant there. she said she never met a girl so perfect like me before. she said i am like a princess. i am very pretty and smart. she said if she is a man she would have proposed to me. i was touched. really touched because no one ever said that to me before. i really hope i am like that person she says but no one is perfect. my life is not like a princess. so hard for me to click with a bunch of friends but things turn out so sour, i can’t stand it anymore. sigh. you know, my msn messenger list is like so long, but i only chat to so few of them. i don’t even know some of them. i always wonder what is the use of my msn messenger for. going through such sour friendships made me keep thinking of one friend of mine. he didnt treat me badly, he treat me really nice. he was the only one i could actually talk about almost everything. so hard to find some one whom i can click so well, i was always on the phone with him, until mom and dad got angry because haha i talk too long. but it is not the same anymore. people change, i changed. there was one point i really can’t talk to him anymore. sigh. why is it so hard to find people whom i can talk to.. i tried opening up, but i always open up at the wrong person, in the end i felt like i am abandoned by them. hmmm.. without friends I feel lonely, but with friends i also feel lonely. is it my problem or theirs? sigh. i feel so miserable, i want to let my feelings out but i am afraid. afraid of what? i also don’t know. but i know i must not let anyone make me sad. who are they to make me sad? hmmph. wateverlah. A levels is over. might as well i start a new life, with positive thinkings and a new hope. I don’t feel like posting up this post now, it is kinda precious. i do sound pathetic from this post. haha. it has been nights since i last had a good dream. it always had been a nightmare.