I am like a cold blooded snake. When you touch me, you feel cold. But i like warmth like the snake do because it keeps us alive. An environment too cold or too hot can kill us. I can kill you with my ‘ strength ‘ and I can tame you with my beautiful scales. Sometimes I’m cunning but sometimes I’m loving like a mother snake . I am unpredictable in nature and I can strike people while they are off guard. But sometimes i strike people without me knowing it.
Snake don’t live in a group, they live alone.
I don’t like snakes. I don’t want to be a snake.

I feel… lost. I use to have a dream, my one and only ambition, but the fire is fading because of some reason. This dream of mine was ( and i hope its still is and will always be ) the reason for me to live.

Actually, I want to take up the environment management course overseas after i finish my A Levels, but there are so many things that are stopping me from doing so. But the thing is, that is the only course that I am interested in.

If I take other alternative, I don’t know which to take and i don’t see the meaning in taking them ( what is the use of taking something that I feel meaningless in life? ). Money is stopping me and people tell me to think twice or even more if i want to take that course. They say i won’t go anywhere with it. It’s true, i won’t go anyWHERE they want to go, but it will lead me to somewhere i want to be.

But like i have wrote up there, my interest in it is slowly ( actually quite fast ) fading. While its fading, I feel lost, because my one and only goal in life is vanishing..

So should I stick to it and fight the odds doing what i think is right or just follow the ‘right’ people advise?

I feel sad whenever i see my classmates telling their teacher they with high enthusiasm that they want to be a doctor or an engineer or a lawyer or a gardener because they believe they can achieve it meanwhile I don’t believe that i can achieve it. It seems impossible.

Today when i woke up, i feel so hyper. i have a mission to do today. Win the monthly medal. Must win. This time must win because i know i have improved so i must beat ‘ the people ‘.

Anyway haha i didn’t do as well as practice. I thought i was below below there and kurtie was like hitting one ninety and above. But luckily i am a girl, so i got handicap ma (7pins handicap only), so ar  : D i beat kurtie!!! dee beat him too!! yay!! so I got second and dee third and kurtie fourth!! yay!! kurtie getting braver already, wanna lawan us already. : P

So I qualified for the knockout round. I knocked out mr manaf and mr tay. I beat uncle tay by a pin. actually i thought i lost until he came and shook my hand and congratulate me ( i was on the way to congratulate him but he said first, me blur ). I was happy because i get to fight with kenson whom i never bowled with before in any competition. But kenson beat me, so i got second. It wasn’t my day. Good enough to beat other but not the number one.

Next weekend we are going to sungai petani for the first circuit leg.First time going there. Plan to meet up with kelvin ( my dearest penpal whom i have never met before but chat with him everyday for like 3 years?) but none of my friends going except for mel mel, so i’ll teman her at night and chit chat until gila then only sleep.

yay its fun. I’m stepping into the bowling world again after half a year of isolation. no pressure no pressure.

Well last year was my third year going to Outward Bound School but this time not as a participant but as a course assistant. There i met other CAs too like OJ, Uqueen, Lydia, Sean, Timmy, Tristan, Loyloy and not to forget ganu and zul. Such fun group of people!!  Miss you all loads!!

There were some sour but plenty of sweet memories there that are still stuck in my head and will replay from time to time.

I was assigned to an instructor name LiFu and a watch called YongYap. It was really interesting actually working as an assistant for some one.

Anyway the first expedition was land expedition. I get to jungle track with my instructor and ganu. It was so so fun. hehehe. So satisfying don’t know why. But the leeches attacked yongyap except ganu, me and lifu. These leeches actually strengthen the team spirit. funny . Then at the camp site, i made fire for the first time after 3 years!!! yay!! but nobody noticed but i was too excited playing with the fire. I just like fire. And then get to sleep in the hammock and chat with loy at night until fall a sleep. Ganu cooked a wonderful dinner for yong yap, wonder why when i was a participant no body cooked for us leh.

Then Pangkor was even funner! Get to kayak solo although got stung by a dead jellypish the other day. I was traumatized for a while. Then helped yongyap make fire again. It was a miracle. haha. Then got to chase monkey away from the tent with yongyap but a bit scary. Too bad not abseiling again!! three years in a row!!

Solo camping was hehe nice. Got to sleep and sleep and cut tents and chase people. wa shiok wei.

Overall, I learned different things from what i learned as a participant. It was hard actually but worth it because of the moral support of the people in OBS and the OB spirit was high in my blood hehehe.

OBS rocks!!

On Tuesday, I had my first Bio practical. It was nice. I saw a plant cell and an animal cell through a microscope! Everyone had their own microscope. So cool. The cell looked so real that it became so unreal! I was so excited i was in tears.. hahaha

Then yesterday during math class. my math teacher thought us Origami. It was so enjoyable. hahaha feeling so childish la!

Then today (Thursday), four hours of chemistry (practical), I played with chemical colouring!! I saw rainbow in the C.flask. So beauderful :’ )

So happy :’ )

Since I had nothing better else to do just now, I read poems to myself to entertain myself. It was fun! I read it out loud, Dee must have thought i was crazy. Maybe she wanted to join me.haha. But my voice box is tired. Can’t talk already.

I was reading a book called "Poems About Love" bought by my father few years ago because maybe he thinks i need more love or something like that.

Anyway after reading about 30 poems for an hour ( hahahaha ), I found two interesting poems. Cute poems. Here it goes:

THE VOYEUR

what’s your favourite word dearie?

is it wee?

I hope it’s wee

wee’s such a nice word

like a wee hairy dog

with two wee eyes

such a nice wee word to play with dearie

you can say it quickly

with a wee smile

and a wee glace to the side

or you can say it slowly dearie

with your mouth a  wee bit open

and a wee sigh dearie

put your wee head on my shoulder dearie

oh my

a great wee word

and Scottish

it make you proud.

———————————————————————————-

Then this is another one, quite interesting i find. Here it goes:

EVERYTHING TOUCHES

Everything touches, life interweaves

starlight and gunsmoke, ashes and leaves

birdsong and thunder, acid and rain

everything touches, unbroken chain.

chainsaw and rainbow, warrior and priest

assassin off duty, beauty and beast

heartbeat and hightide, ebb and flow

cardboard cathedral covered in snow.

snowdrop and gangrene, hangman and clown

walls that divide come tumbling down

seen though the night the glimmer of day

light is but darkness worn away.

past and future, distance and time

atom to atom, water and wine

look all around, what do you see?

everything touches, you’re touching me.

look all around, what do you see?

everything touches, you’re touching me.

Touching isn’t it?