Extraordinary is all what i can say. Well a week ago the new maid came, so its a good news. But the thing is she doesn’t understand what are we saying although she speaks in English, she doesn’t understands us. She say its the accent wor, which i find its crap. I think she is a little deaf or something. Seriously. Well, for an example, Dee said ‘ can fry an egg for me : ) ‘ then she just looked at Dee for a while smiling. Then Dee said ‘ fry egg ‘. she still didn’t get it. Dee had to do some action then the maid said " oh, fry egg? " -.- Just now my mother was teaching her to cook, so she while she was cleaning the sever, my mom suddenly told her to wash some clothes. So she took the dirty clothes that was supposed to be washed and wipe the sever, then my mom had to tell her off -.- then when my mom told her to put salt into the stew, she put the veggie instead -.- its even harder to tell her that we are not eating at home. Like that day, i wanted to eat outside, so i told her this "to night we won’t be eating dinner. We go eat out. No need to cook dinner. No dinner." so she look at me and said "cook rice?" then i say "no,no. we no eat dinner" then Dee said "don’t cook rice" then in the end she said "no cook?" then we said yeah yeah!!. Not too long ago, my father said "Cook lunch for us today. Three persons. The girls and me. you can cook for yourself if you want also. Understand?" she nodded her head. In the afternoon my dad asked her "Did you cook lunch for us?" then she said " No, Maam didn’t tell me to cook" -.- If you think that we talk softly, no you are wrong. it’s not about the accent too. How much can the difference be. I pity my mom, her blood pressure went up i guess. But besides that, she is ok in other things.

I feel very feelingful this days. These feelings are good and bad but i am not really happy about most of them. I eat very little these days, always hungry 24-7, the difference is can tahan or cannot tahan. If you ask me why am i doing this, i don’t know but i wanna feel pain. I am also disgusted about something about me which i can’t tell. I can’t accept the fact that i am experiencing feelings that i strongly don’t agree myself. But what can i do. I just hope it will go away soon. I shall just put it aside.

Some times i just feel like i can’t stand it anymore. For the past almost two months already, we don’t have a maid. So the house is filthy and only Dee and me cleans the house but we can only do that on weekends so we can’t study on weekends except very light ones but we’ll be exhausted by then.My mom is working so she cant help us and she’ll hurt he back anyways. Dad, he just clears the house. Aaron come home late night. Then we have to go tuition. My dad has retired. It’s good but he starts to clear the house as in throw this and throw that which he thinks are ‘rubbish’ so problems started to start. He threw many of my mom things and put away things and so on. So mommy ain’t happy. Dee and me become orang tengah. Mother complain to us, Papa complain to us. Aaron just play games in his room. I just feel like… i feel very emotional these days. A little bit already want to cry or in a way ‘burst’. Everyday i will be telling myself what to study, when to study, boil water, iron clothes, do homework, feed cat ( because in the family only me who feeds the cat, sometimes Dee ), make breakfast and more which i can’t think of right now. But Dee and me do it together. So my head is very tired, school teachers also bugging me. All i want is a peaceful day, but at home.. mother complains, brother irritates me most of the time, father… haih. I hope all these can end soon. My cough even lasted for two months because of this unnecessary stress until have to be on steroids. Actually SPM is not that stressful if i just keep to my schedule but all these are getting too much but i cant do anything because i understand my mothers situation, father’s and brother’s too. I don’t blame anyone. All i can do is tell Dee my feelings and also kelvin. Really.. must it all happen on my SPM year? and everybody keep telling me SPM is so so so important except Edward who says it’s not everything though. I used to be tough but all these are draining me. I just need a break before something bad will happen.

Ian is going back to the States to night and … we will… miss him… time flies.. can only see him next year .. Ben also will be going there so as Eu Eu.. all of them slowly leaving us to further their studies. It’s sad.. It was fun playing with Ian again. Didn’t get the hug dunno who promised but i don’t think it was not from me. Anyways i hope that three of them will reach there safely.. Today ain’t a happy day..

All these years people have been non stop comparing on who is better or who is prettier and so on. Today in school my teacher said although males are physically stronger then females, but when it comes to their chromosomes, Female wins. Because at chromosome number 23 they have two chromosome X which are two big chromosomes meanwhile guys have X and Y chromosome only which is one big and one small. Why want to compare until like that? Like as though ladies want to win so badly that until chromosomes also want to berkira. Apalah! Like Dee said " everyone has their own kelebihan and kelemahan, so there is no need to compare until like that." Then after my teacher said that, the girls clapped their hands. Ruin our dignity only. What la. ( no i am not talking bad bout my teacher)